notoriousbeck

I just wrote a really long blog until I clicked the letter h and the history page opened up. There was no way I could get back to my blog to post it. To sum it up, I have two appointments coming up and I’m sick to my stomach. After radiation my headaches discontinued, until about a week ago. I’m not vomiting and my headaches aren’t as bad. If I don’t respond, the only other options are surgery (which could affect my vision) or living with it until it grows rapidly and kills me. I’m not losing hope, I’m not giving up, I’m just facing the reality and accepting the facts that no one else wants to. 

I find trust and honesty important in any relationship. If you plant honesty, you will reap trust. For those who lied to me, I have no trust in you. You can never be too close. If there’s something they want and you’re the core to get it, they will use you to enable their chances to get what they want. I have a very small list of people I trust. I’ve had “friends” speak nasty of me when I wasn’t around. I’ve had people bully me around and then want to be my friend, all because of my diagnosis. I’ve had people that hated or firmly disliked me that now try to treat me like they love me and have always loved me. It’s sickening how no one took the time to figure out who I was until I took ill. I have friends who never get in contact with me. I’ll send them messages and never get a response. Seems like the only time that they want to talk is if none of their other friends have time for them. To the “friends” I treat like Gold, I’m only a last resort to them. I know you have to trust people to an extent but to the people who’ve mistreated me, who remain in my life… things will never be the same. I will treat you with kindness because no matter how you’ve treated me or continue to treat me, I’ll always be the better person. With that said I have let my guard down to trust a few people in my life and although I don’t have a million friends, I’m glad I trusted enough to have the right ones. Know that having someone’s trust is a better compliment than knowing that you’re loved.  


“Beware the irrational, however seductive. Shun the ‘transcendent’ and all who invite you to subordinate or annihilate yourself. Distrust compassion; prefer dignity for yourself and others. Don’t be afraid to be thought arrogant or selfish. Picture all experts as if they were mammals. Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity. Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence. Suspect your own motives, and all excuses. Do not live for others any more than you would expect others to live for you.” 
― Christopher Hitchens  

I’m probably the happiest girl in the world right now! I’m not in remission but I’m not far from it. I just got off the phone with Dr. Rorke and figured I’d share the news! He expected my bone scan to come back stabilized but the results were even better! The scan almost looks normal and there’s hardly any cancer cells left. I have a CT scan coming up before Christmas and he’s expecting it to be a good one. They say cancer in the bone is one of the hardest cancers to get rid of. If the cancer in my bone is almost gone, I’m expecting the tumour around my aorta to be shrivelled up or non-existent! I’m SO happy!

Dr. Rorke said this scan is the ticket he was looking for, to set me free from chemotherapy. He’s hoping that the cancer stays away for a while so I can have a break and is surprised by my strength. He said this was the worst treatment I’d ever have to go through and was surprised by how quickly I bounced back! 

I’ve met so many wonderful people, who made things easier and I want to thank all of you for your wisdom and encouragement! I wouldn’t have maintained such a positive attitude if I didn’t have these people in my life. Dr. Rorke said my youth played a huge roll, but I believe it was a bit of everything.
 
* Vicki, if you’re reading this, I wouldn’t have made it this far without you. Don’t get me wrong, Dr. Rorke is a fabulous doctor but the day I found out you couldn’t continue your position with me, was almost as bad as finding out I had cancer. I’m going to continue to do what you told me from the start, “KICK IT IN THE BALLS!” *

Let me introduce myself, my name is Beck and I’m a 19 year old battling a rare form of cancer. The Summer of 2010 I noticed a huge lump in the lower left quadrant of my abdominal area. As time went on, the tumour grew to the size of a deflated basketball. One doctor argued, black and blue, that I was pregnant. In September, 2010 I had to have surgery to remove the teratoma tumour, left fallopian tube and ovary. After being released from the hospital, I went home to recover. Six weeks later I saw the doctor for a check up. He told me that there was nothing to worry about, the tumour was benign and to go home. Months later, I developed pain in regions of my lower back and shoulders. Frequent trips were made to my family doctor and hospital. I was told to do water aerobics, that I had rheumatoid arthritis, a pinched nerve, the list goes on and on but no, I had cancer. The doctor admitted he must’ve been multi-tasking and skimmed my report like a flyer. Come on, you’re a doctor! I could have started treatments a year earlier, which would have prevented the cancer from metastasizing from my ovary to my aorta and bones. Now my fiancée, family, friends and I suffer emotionally because of the negligence and irresponsibility of this doctor. I understand people make mistakes and I forgive him but when you’re dealing with lives, be more responsible!

I was diagnosed with a germ cell tumour back in June 2011, on my mother’s birthday. It’s a day my family, friends and I will never forget. I was treated with the following chemotherapy drugs, Etoposide, Cisplatin and Bleomycin. After enduring three long cycles of chemotherapy, I had a couple of scans to see my progress. The first prognosis startled me. Dr. Vicki Martin who specialized in Obsterics & Gynaecology entered the room and informed us of many cancer spots in the bone, a 8 cm tumour that’s wrapped around my aorta and pressing against my renal vessels. I was re-diagnosed with a rare type of cancer called PNET (Primitive Neuroectodermal Tumour) of the ovary. There has only been 8 reported cases of this type of cancer, each case different and a very discouragingly low survival rate.

Bleomycin had no affect. However, Etoposide and Cisplatin shrunk the tumour 8:2 cm. My next treatment regiment consisted of the following drugs, Cisplatin, Etoposide (5 day treatment) and Cyclophosphamide, Adriamycin and Vincristine (1 day treatment). After a refreshing break from it all, I was so glad to be free from the intravenous! When I went back, it was almost unbearable but I kept telling myself, “If you’re going through hell, keep on going!” 

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last treatment and I’m on top of the world again. The results of my most recent bone scan show significant improvements. Dr. Rorke, my new doctor (who specializes in Sarcomas) says it depends on how the scans go, but thinks I’m at my limit. I haven’t beat this yet but I’m making progress with it (which the doctor’s least expected). Guess you could say I’m just beating the odds…  

* As my fiancée says, “As long as there’s life, there’s hope.”